Trust

OK, its quiet, its freezing, I'm curled in bed and of course my mind is going to this date on Saturday. I spent most of last night and spasmodically throughout the day talking to the potential datee (not sure that's a word..laugh) & he sounds a hell of a nice guy.

I still cant get past the distance thing (as it requires a hell of a lot of understanding and trust) which had me reflecting on baggage I may have. I thought, mmmm maybe a little but the closer it gets to Saturday, the larger the baggage seems, possibly a 16 peice set of Lois Vuitton travel sized luggage! I hadn't realised, nor probably was game to look at the insecurities I'd gathered before.

This whole dating thing, leaves me insecure (not a feeling I like or am used to) unsure of myself. I'm aware the past relationship I had has left me trust issues. Its all well and good to say you dont have baggage but how do you not take a thing like broken trust into the next relationship. How do you just forget and move on. If I go back to the 100% naively trusting woman I was does that leave me open to being hurt again.

Was C. a one off. Did I just happen to snag the one self centred, ageing Lothario out there. Was it my naivety and trust that drew his attention in the first place. Are there guys who prey on women, especially on the Internet. Was I too open & trusting. Was the fact i lived 4hrs away a bonus to him. He may have been unfaithful but did I leave myself vulnerable to that?

Believe me, this man seems nothing like C. and I'm possibly self-sabotaging here & if I do may screw up something that has the potential to be awesome (did I mention he is a Capricorn..:) he also makes me smile and laugh alot, which is something C. never did. Actually he is so unlike him and seems so genuine that it makes me so scared to mess it up. Maybe he's also staring at the roof wondering these things, maybe he's as nervous as I. God its going to be a long week... :)